France
Canada
Algérie
Maroc
Sénégal
Bon bon bon .. esti que le temps passe vite! Sa pas dallure.. man.. voir qui me reste seulement 6 jours au québec? Sa fait 7 ans.. Jai casiment grandi ici. PI tsé.. spas comme si jdemenage genre 1heur d'ici. nenon, 10heur la. A presque tout les années mes parents disaient quils voulaient quon demenage au nouveau brunswick, mais on lfaisait jamais. PI la on lfait pour vrai.. jsais pas. Jpas capable dme lentrer dans tete. Le monde avec qui je passe mes fin de semaines avec, jles verrai pu. c'est tellement fou.. Dans 6 jours, tout va changer. Mais juste pour moi, le monde vont sen remettre. Je sais meme pas qui va etre triste? Moi sa va me prendre un eeeeeeesti dboute de men remettre.. Jamais que joublierai le monde ici, sque jai vécu, etc. Mais tsé jai toujours voulu y retourner d'un sens... ma famille est toute la. Sam fait chier quand cest genre noel ou jsais pas, pi jpeux pas etre avec toute ma famille. Pi jme sens toujours bein la bas.. Mais je sais pas squi mattend tsé.. jsais pas si jvais etre heureuse, ou deprimer. Si je vais me faire beacoup dami et les aimer fort, ou jen aurai presque pas pi jvais juste penser a mes amis au québec? Haa sam rend folle...! Jarrete juste PAS d'y penser.. tout le temps. Jai peur mais jai hate. Jsais pas si jvais me faire accepter la bas.. si tout va etre plus pire ou plus beau .. Mais jme dis que, jai quand meme surmonté plein daffaire, pi quand jsuis demenager ici du noueau brunswick, tout allait très mal, mais check ou sque jsuis rendue la. Mais bon .. sa va etre vraiment vraiment vraiment tuff au début.. mais je prie et jéspère que je vais enfin me sentir chez moi la bas pi que jdeviendrai heureuse au moin .. J'ai vraiment peur,. plus peur que personne pourra imaginer. But I won't give up..!
Bon bon bon .. esti que le temps passe vite! Sa pas dallure.. man.. voir qui me reste seulement 6 jours au québec? Sa fait 7 ans.. Jai casiment grandi ici. PI tsé.. spas comme si jdemenage genre 1heur d'ici. nenon, 10heur la. A presque tout les années mes parents disaient quils voulaient quon demenage au nouveau brunswick, mais on lfaisait jamais. PI la on lfait pour vrai.. jsais pas. Jpas capable dme lentrer dans tete. Le monde avec qui je passe mes fin de semaines avec, jles verrai pu. c'est tellement fou.. Dans 6 jours, tout va changer. Mais juste pour moi, le monde vont sen remettre. Je sais meme pas qui va etre triste? Moi sa va me prendre un eeeeeeesti dboute de men remettre.. Jamais que joublierai le monde ici, sque jai vécu, etc. Mais tsé jai toujours voulu y retourner d'un sens... ma famille est toute la. Sam fait chier quand cest genre noel ou jsais pas, pi jpeux pas etre avec toute ma famille. Pi jme sens toujours bein la bas.. Mais je sais pas squi mattend tsé.. jsais pas si jvais etre heureuse, ou deprimer. Si je vais me faire beacoup dami et les aimer fort, ou jen aurai presque pas pi jvais juste penser a mes amis au québec? Haa sam rend folle...! Jarrete juste PAS d'y penser.. tout le temps. Jai peur mais jai hate. Jsais pas si jvais me faire accepter la bas.. si tout va etre plus pire ou plus beau .. Mais jme dis que, jai quand meme surmonté plein daffaire, pi quand jsuis demenager ici du noueau brunswick, tout allait très mal, mais check ou sque jsuis rendue la. Mais bon .. sa va etre vraiment vraiment vraiment tuff au début.. mais je prie et jéspère que je vais enfin me sentir chez moi la bas pi que jdeviendrai heureuse au moin .. J'ai vraiment peur,. plus peur que personne pourra imaginer. But I won't give up..!
So. I have 3 weeks left here in Quebec. I've been here for 7 years, it's kinda crazy how everything is coming to an end, and that I'll have to start over. Maybe it'd be good for me. There's too much here that makes me think about my past, maybe moving will help me move on, like i've wanted to do in so long. Of course i'm gonna be crushed, leaving my friends and all. But they'll get over it in no time i'm 1OOO% sure. I just really hope these 3 weeks will be awesome.. I really want to enjoy the time I have left here. But there's this boy that's kinda stopping me. See I'm attached to him, wich is totally bad, because what's it even worth? Get more attached to him and have to leave and go through what I went through with shawn all over again? No fucking thank you. I never want to go through that again, and I won't let myself, I really don't deserve that shit again. But It might not be hard because he doesn't seem to like me, and I don't like him AS MUCH, so there's a little progress haha. But that Don't change the fact of how hard this is gonna be either way, him in the picture or not, leaving all of this behind will be soo hard. But I know I'll get through it, because I go hard forever, thats just how I'm designed ;)!The drugs began to peack. A smile of joy arrives in me. But sedation changes to panic and nausea, and breath starts to shorten & heart beats pound softer. You won't try to save me, you just wan't to hurt me, and leave me desperate. You taught my heart, a sens I never knew I had, i can't forget the times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth, how do you do it? You're my heroine. You won't leave me alone,I give in every time.I bet you laugh at the thought of me thinking for myself. I bet you believe that I'm better off with you than someone else. His face arrives again, All hope I had becomes surreal. But under your cover's more torture than pleasure, and just past your lips there's more anger than laughter, not now or forever will I ever change you, I know that to go on I'll break you my habit.
I will save myself.
I will save myself.
I'm so busy being pissed off, I don't stop to think.
So i decided to write another blog in english, cause im too lazy to write in french. Even though no one will understand, or even read this, i like writting on skybloggg, it makes me feel better hah. So i'm actually starting to feel better. I finally made the first move, sucked it up, and told my friends I missed them and I want to see them. I actually thought they'd be likee, fucck offffff. But, things seem like they're falling into place. I thought i'd be better off without them, but I actually need them. They my buddiesss. I thought they didn't care, but i was just being stupid, i was the one pushing them away. I can't always expect everyone to run after me, sometimes I gotta run after people too. I always let go, but someone told me that I should fight for what i want, people I love, and that it'd be worth it. I thought it was crazy talk, usually when someone is leaving my life i just let them go. But I finally did something about it, and i feel good about it. I hope things will be like before, I've lost people that I cared too much about, and I was stupid to even let that happen again.
So I'm finally over Shawn. Yeah he's still in my mind sometimes but, waaaaaaaayy leess than before, and I thank god that it's over! Man, I never wanna go through that, ever,a-gain. Buttttttt, I like this other guy, who apparently likes me too. Does it show? Nah. And it's weird. Like, is it even normal liking someone and them liking you too, but nothing is happening? Don't you like.. want to always chill with them, talk with them? Hm. Maybe he doesn't even like me, but I can't say that I'm not surprised. I don't think a guy has ever liked me for a long time, or liked me, only me, and no one else xD it's kinda sad. But it seems like he's avoiding me, I mean, It'S not like i'm gonna run after him. When it comes to guys, I never run after love. I have in the past, only to get fucked over. So, i'm never doing that again either hah. It just sucksss, I actually really do like him, I thought something would happen, and that he really did like me, cause he doesn't seem like the other assholes i've liked. But I guess I'm wrong. But it'll be okay I guess, anyways i'm moving faaaaaaaar, idk when though, so maybe it's for the best? I just wanted to have a good relationship for once, before i left atleast, with someone I actually did like. MAISS! ON PEU PAS TOUTE AVOIR DANS VIE :) I think I figured that out. All i can sayy , is shit happens and life goes on ;)
Soo how am I supose to let go of someone I don't want to let go of? But I know I should, because all she does is treat me like shit. I care for her, I fucking love her, but she has a new ''fave buddy , the lying bitch that causes drama everywhere she goes.'' It makes no sens. She's so mixed up, that's why I don't want her in my life anymore. She's been in it for 7 years, we've been through a lot together, but she stresses me out too much, and that's the last thing I need. She always bring me down, always pointing out my mistakes, my past, future, present, all in a negative way. I already have a low self esteem, confidence, and blablabla , and she makes it worse. Worse part is, she knows what I've been through, but she's just too stupid to even care. She's two faced, a liar, and blablablaaaa. But other times she can be the best. But I really need to let go. I just wan't to not care about her, but the thing is, she's who she is today because of me. The people she knows, the things she does, is because of me. Her boyfriend she has, is because of me. It's badd. But whateverr, I'll let go sooner or later, I always find a way, can't say i've never done it before.:(
So i decided to write another blog in english, cause im too lazy to write in french. Even though no one will understand, or even read this, i like writting on skybloggg, it makes me feel better hah. So i'm actually starting to feel better. I finally made the first move, sucked it up, and told my friends I missed them and I want to see them. I actually thought they'd be likee, fucck offffff. But, things seem like they're falling into place. I thought i'd be better off without them, but I actually need them. They my buddiesss. I thought they didn't care, but i was just being stupid, i was the one pushing them away. I can't always expect everyone to run after me, sometimes I gotta run after people too. I always let go, but someone told me that I should fight for what i want, people I love, and that it'd be worth it. I thought it was crazy talk, usually when someone is leaving my life i just let them go. But I finally did something about it, and i feel good about it. I hope things will be like before, I've lost people that I cared too much about, and I was stupid to even let that happen again.
So I'm finally over Shawn. Yeah he's still in my mind sometimes but, waaaaaaaayy leess than before, and I thank god that it's over! Man, I never wanna go through that, ever,a-gain. Buttttttt, I like this other guy, who apparently likes me too. Does it show? Nah. And it's weird. Like, is it even normal liking someone and them liking you too, but nothing is happening? Don't you like.. want to always chill with them, talk with them? Hm. Maybe he doesn't even like me, but I can't say that I'm not surprised. I don't think a guy has ever liked me for a long time, or liked me, only me, and no one else xD it's kinda sad. But it seems like he's avoiding me, I mean, It'S not like i'm gonna run after him. When it comes to guys, I never run after love. I have in the past, only to get fucked over. So, i'm never doing that again either hah. It just sucksss, I actually really do like him, I thought something would happen, and that he really did like me, cause he doesn't seem like the other assholes i've liked. But I guess I'm wrong. But it'll be okay I guess, anyways i'm moving faaaaaaaar, idk when though, so maybe it's for the best? I just wanted to have a good relationship for once, before i left atleast, with someone I actually did like. MAISS! ON PEU PAS TOUTE AVOIR DANS VIE :) I think I figured that out. All i can sayy , is shit happens and life goes on ;)
Soo how am I supose to let go of someone I don't want to let go of? But I know I should, because all she does is treat me like shit. I care for her, I fucking love her, but she has a new ''fave buddy , the lying bitch that causes drama everywhere she goes.'' It makes no sens. She's so mixed up, that's why I don't want her in my life anymore. She's been in it for 7 years, we've been through a lot together, but she stresses me out too much, and that's the last thing I need. She always bring me down, always pointing out my mistakes, my past, future, present, all in a negative way. I already have a low self esteem, confidence, and blablabla , and she makes it worse. Worse part is, she knows what I've been through, but she's just too stupid to even care. She's two faced, a liar, and blablablaaaa. But other times she can be the best. But I really need to let go. I just wan't to not care about her, but the thing is, she's who she is today because of me. The people she knows, the things she does, is because of me. Her boyfriend she has, is because of me. It's badd. But whateverr, I'll let go sooner or later, I always find a way, can't say i've never done it before.:(
When I get older
I will be stronger
They'll call me freedom
Just like a waving flag
And then its goes back
And then it goes back
And then it goes back
I wanna write something but I dont know what.. Its like I got the words on the tip of my fingers but i cant type em. How I feel, what I want.. I dont even know what I want anymore. Its like everything I want, I can't have. I cant be happy, cant feel loved, nothing. The one I want is far and obviously doesn't feel the same. Like every second of this life is a waste of time. Like, what am I here for? If this is the way life is gonna be why even stay? Im tired of crying myself to sleep, tired wishing things were the way they were, tired of seeing everyone happy and like they have everything to get through their day, and go to sleep with a smile on their face and wake up with a smile and blablabla. I hate it when people tell me'' Life is beautiful!'' It just disgusts me when people say that. Yeah maybe your life is beautiful, but can you just stfu and not rub it in my face? It just makes it worse. When I feel like I'm finally getting over something, finally moving on, something just smacks into my face and makes me feel like, No, I will never move on. Every day I go through makes me realise more and more how everything is pointless and pathetic. yeah I got friends, I got a family, but who even cares? People don't know what I've been through, what I've lost, what I'm scared of. And because of all that, I can't move on. People walk into my life, make me feel like i'm somebody, then treat me like shit and walk out. and I'm stuck here with all these emotions and all these memories.
Whatever.
I don't even know if any of that made sens, but like I said, I don't know what to write, I don't know anything.But what I know, is that I'm a piece of shit that's worthless and is always there for everyone to bring me down.
And all I have left to say is; FML.
I will be stronger
They'll call me freedom
Just like a waving flag
And then its goes back
And then it goes back
And then it goes back
I wanna write something but I dont know what.. Its like I got the words on the tip of my fingers but i cant type em. How I feel, what I want.. I dont even know what I want anymore. Its like everything I want, I can't have. I cant be happy, cant feel loved, nothing. The one I want is far and obviously doesn't feel the same. Like every second of this life is a waste of time. Like, what am I here for? If this is the way life is gonna be why even stay? Im tired of crying myself to sleep, tired wishing things were the way they were, tired of seeing everyone happy and like they have everything to get through their day, and go to sleep with a smile on their face and wake up with a smile and blablabla. I hate it when people tell me'' Life is beautiful!'' It just disgusts me when people say that. Yeah maybe your life is beautiful, but can you just stfu and not rub it in my face? It just makes it worse. When I feel like I'm finally getting over something, finally moving on, something just smacks into my face and makes me feel like, No, I will never move on. Every day I go through makes me realise more and more how everything is pointless and pathetic. yeah I got friends, I got a family, but who even cares? People don't know what I've been through, what I've lost, what I'm scared of. And because of all that, I can't move on. People walk into my life, make me feel like i'm somebody, then treat me like shit and walk out. and I'm stuck here with all these emotions and all these memories.
Whatever.
I don't even know if any of that made sens, but like I said, I don't know what to write, I don't know anything.But what I know, is that I'm a piece of shit that's worthless and is always there for everyone to bring me down.
And all I have left to say is; FML.
A mon avis, les tragédies sa fait partie dla vie. On va pas baisser les bras parce qu'on est malheureux. Jme suis rendu compte d'une chose, quadn on vous brise le coeur, il faut se battre de toutes ses forces et s'accrocher a la vie, parce qu'elle continue quoiqu'il arrive et cette douleur qui vous déchire fait partie dla vie aussi totu comme la peur et le mal ête. Toutes ses sensations qui sont la pour nous rapeller que les choses s'arrangeront, sa vaut le coup de continuer a se battre
Et tou ske jvoulais stai dètre heureuse.. davoir une meilleure amie, un bon chum, une belle famille et pu de stress.. peut-être juste pour une semaine au moin? Pour que jressens la joie. Quelque chose que sa fait longtemps jnai pas senti.. cé tou ske jdemande. Une semaine au moin. Quand jfeel down, jveux pouvoir apeller quelqu'un pour qui me rencomfortee.. jveux juste que quelqu'un me comprenne!! Jveux juste que quelqu'un prenne dans ses bras et ils me disent que tout va bien aller.. que la vie va changer.. que les personnes que jai perdu vont revenir dans ma vie.. que jai AU MOIN une vie qui vaut la peine dêtre vécu.. je sais pas pourquio je suis ici. On est sa planète pour une raisoin ,kon ma dit.Moi stai pour foutre dla marde dans la vie de tout lmonde pi pour voir si une adolescente était capable d'endurer la douleur a tout les jours. Oui, jendure, mais jserai capable dendurer sa pour combien de temps? Cé de sa jai peur.. un pti peu plus pi .. jserai pu capable. dja la jai dla misère a rester dboute sur mes pieds, je tremble, mais jreste dboute. Mais un peu plus.. et jvais explozer. Jvais tomber.. pi sa ne sera pu possible dme relever. Jvais rester a terre.. avec rien.. Je suis presque sur mes genous. Vous êtes content maitenant? Jespere que oui. jespere que vous mavez pas laissé tomber pour rien.. jespere que vous êtes fier de votre coup. je suis presque pu capable. Vous avez réussi. Dja la jmen calisse de ski pourrai marriver..que jmeur a soir, que jmeurt demain, jmen criss. Fak un peu plus de marde, et on verra squi arrivera...
Mais meme dans ses heur les plus sombres, elle savait dans son coeur qu'un jour, il reviendrai vers elle. Et son monde serai a nouveau complet, et sa croyance en dieu, en l'amour et dans l'art s'éveillerai à nouveau dans son coeur.
jne sai plus qui je suis.. ou comment jen suis arriver la. Qui jétait me manque. Jveu a nouveau avoir un chez moi, tu sai ? et de vrais amis. Le genre damitié en laquele on croyait. Ca me manque. Et tu me manques. Jimagine que tout me manque..
Et tou ske jvoulais stai dètre heureuse.. davoir une meilleure amie, un bon chum, une belle famille et pu de stress.. peut-être juste pour une semaine au moin? Pour que jressens la joie. Quelque chose que sa fait longtemps jnai pas senti.. cé tou ske jdemande. Une semaine au moin. Quand jfeel down, jveux pouvoir apeller quelqu'un pour qui me rencomfortee.. jveux juste que quelqu'un me comprenne!! Jveux juste que quelqu'un prenne dans ses bras et ils me disent que tout va bien aller.. que la vie va changer.. que les personnes que jai perdu vont revenir dans ma vie.. que jai AU MOIN une vie qui vaut la peine dêtre vécu.. je sais pas pourquio je suis ici. On est sa planète pour une raisoin ,kon ma dit.Moi stai pour foutre dla marde dans la vie de tout lmonde pi pour voir si une adolescente était capable d'endurer la douleur a tout les jours. Oui, jendure, mais jserai capable dendurer sa pour combien de temps? Cé de sa jai peur.. un pti peu plus pi .. jserai pu capable. dja la jai dla misère a rester dboute sur mes pieds, je tremble, mais jreste dboute. Mais un peu plus.. et jvais explozer. Jvais tomber.. pi sa ne sera pu possible dme relever. Jvais rester a terre.. avec rien.. Je suis presque sur mes genous. Vous êtes content maitenant? Jespere que oui. jespere que vous mavez pas laissé tomber pour rien.. jespere que vous êtes fier de votre coup. je suis presque pu capable. Vous avez réussi. Dja la jmen calisse de ski pourrai marriver..que jmeur a soir, que jmeurt demain, jmen criss. Fak un peu plus de marde, et on verra squi arrivera...
